dunch

Welcome one and all to a tale of horror so frightening indeed that your blood may curdle. This ghastly story of the occult comes to your from a young man by the name of Alex Wallace. Some say those who hear this tale have gone mad and locked themselves in their home never to be heard from again. Be warned, reader, and proceed with the utmost caution.

Readers Beware, the following program is rated TV7 because it may be too spooky for viewers under 7

Picture this. It's Friday night, and there is a huge party going down at this girls dorm. A huge party. In fact, it's a three way birthday party, AND it's a costume party. On top of all that, it's a themed party, and the theme is "The Red Carpet." Everyone has to dress up in a little costume, and come as a movie star. Sounds cute.

I put myself in a fancy pinstriped suit, and draw a fat mole on my right cheek, and declare myself as "DeNiro." So I get to the party, and they went ALL OUT. There are fancy lights, and a red carpet, and stars hanging from the ceiling, and best of all...a confession room with a camera. This was going to be a full blown brilliant party by the looks of things.

Before you would know it, I have consumed a bit of the ol' Vodka...maybe a bit too much, and eventually decide the best route would be to sit on a chair and keep to myself, as nobody likes a loud drunk, least of all, me. Before this though, I had myself a bit of a rowdy dow. I told somebody to bugger off, I convinced a girl to flash her breasts at the camera in the confession room, and I told series of people, wonderfull lies about myself and/or life, which no doubt left them feeling akward.

So I sit down on the chair, and allow myself to go to sleep. I am woken up a few times, and asked if I would like to go home with some people. I look around and see that the party isn't COMPLETELY dead yet, so I say "No thanks, I will be fine here for a while." and then I go back into slumber. Eventually I wake up and open my eyes, and the whole fuckin room is empty. Well that's no good. So I get up, go downstairs, sign myself out, take a train home, and go to bed.

Soon the morning comes, and I have a spot of a headache, but nothing I couldn't handle. I go to the computer to check my e-mail, and what I saw there was astounding. Evidently, somone at the party had pressed out a fat dump on one of the windowsills. A whole dump. I was, of course, by the end of the email, laughing so hard that my eyes were dripping with water, and my stomache hurt. How awesome of a party must it have been, if somone can go into the corner, and press out a fat dunch without ANYONE noticing? How much fun were people having that a person dropping a dunch in the corner didn't even phase them? The amazing thing is, not ONE person knows who dropped the dunch. Apparently nobody saw the duncher do the dropping.

So the email was very fiery, and the girl was clearly upset that someone left a dunch on her windowsill. Probably the wisest thing to do, would have been to tie a bow tie around the dunch, take pictures, and label them as "The Special Suprise Guest." and then toss the dunch into a plastic bag and throw it away. However that is not the route this girl decided to take. She is fiery mad.

The sad thing is this: I was the last one to leave the party, and therefore am a suspect to some, as the person who dropped the drippy dunch. I, myself, am rather mad that I was left in that room asleep all alone with a wet dunch on the windowsill. It's true that I continued to say to people "I'll be fine, don't worry, thank you." and then go back to sleep, but if someone had said "Alex, somone dropped a dunch on the windowsill, if I leave you here, you will be all alone with the dunch." I would have jumped up into the air, completely sober and said "No thank you. There is nothing to gain by spending a night in the same room as a dunch."

It was like one of those party's you read about, or see in a movie. One of those parties where somone kills an animal, or leaves a dunch on the windowsill. One of those. Hopefully there will be more to come, and if there are I will bring you more tails of dunchery.

Alex Wallace's Terrifying depiction of the bowtied beast

After Alex Overcame the Horrors he had experienced, we chatted about the dunch. . .

Alex:I will be so pissed if the act is pinned on me

Me: what would happen though?

Alex: I don't know, I guess I will keep saying what really happened

Me: "We caught you, brown handed!"

Alex: The problem is I was the last one to leave There's the rub for me

Me: they shouldnt have created an atmosphere that invited a dunch, its their own fucking fault

Alex: ahaha I would be honored to have a party thats so intense that someone dunches

Me: I bet not even the Queen of England, who has the most parties EVER, can attest to being at a dunch party

Alex: I never thought I would be at a dunch fest party Thats more than I could ever ask for in life

Me: Jesus could be reborn right in front of you, and you'd tell him about the dunch, and he'd put his head down in shame, and walk away

Alex: If she starts bothering me about being a dunch dropper, I will tell her that if she doesn't bugger off I will drop a dunch on a plate for her, and she can have it for lunch. A dunch for lunch

Me: YES! YES! tell her to take a munch

Alex: I will I wil DO IT! YES! Everyone is like "it has to have been a guy" but I think it was a girl. All they would have to do is lift skirt. and drop dunch. I think drunk girls are more prone to doing stupid shite like that. "AUUGHHAI I need to USE A BATHROOOOOMMMM." *DROP DUNCH*

Me: Youre onto something, Im serious a girl would know that they would point all fingers at a guy Heres what I think happened: You only got tired because a girl put something in your drink then you fell asleep, at which point the ducnh dropper perked her ass right on the windowsill and laid a brown one RIGHT there OH I FIGURED THE WHOLE PUZZLE

ALex: it's the ONLY WAY

Me: It was the girl sending the email who did the dunch. That way nobody would think it's her. This is a big scooby doo mystery

Alex: thats what my roommate says. She ran out, dropped a dunch, and then wrote the email